Journey Together -- The FGHs of Coping with Christmas

Earlier this week, I was feeling emotionally and spiritually depleted. It’s a week before Christmas -- a time for wonder, hope and joy --  but all I could feel was blah. So I spent time at a nearby retreat center and I hiked, talked with God, and sat in His presence. It felt like a journey. I arrived heavy-hearted but God joined me and kept me company on the journey and as a result I felt deeply nourished and loved. We Journeyed Together.

Our life journey is not meant to be walked alone.  Jesus stepped out of heaven, to walk the journey with us and for us.  God created us for relationship so if we live outside of that design we will likely feel anxious and depressed.  

Think about the 33-year journey that Jesus had here on earth.  He modeled relational connection for us. There were times He went off alone to be with His father and there were times when He enjoyed those on the journey with Him. He celebrated with his community at wedding feasts; He treated His mother with love and care; He had close friends to pray, work and play with; He spoke with and cared for those around Him, and so much more.  He walked His earthly journey with His family and friends -- in other words, they Journeyed Together.  Consider the relationships God gave you for this journey -- what might you learn from His example?

In the days leading up to Christmas, reflect on His humble arrival in a manager.  He is with us -- loving us, encouraging us, teaching us, laughing with us -- journeying with us.  

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.

We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son,

Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. (John 1:14 MSG)

I hope that these FGH’s are helpful to you.  If your sadness and stress are overwhelming to you this Christmas season, please reach out to a friend or to a counselor and let them help you through the struggle.

May your Christmas be blessed with knowledge of His presence and His peace.  

Peace to You,

Sharon

Illusion of Control -- Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression

Today, we are continuing of FGHs of Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression.  So far we have covered Face Faulty Strategies, Give Gentleness and Grace, and Have Fun.  Let’s continue with letter I….

Illusion of Control

Someone I love, I’ll call her Joan, would get her Christmas shopping done early, diligently wrap the gifts and then hide them away in the attic. Little did Joan know, each year her son located the presents, carefully unwrapped them to see what was inside and then expertly re-wrapped them to their original condition.  Joan did all that she could to surprise her kids with terrific gifts -- but because she could not manage all of the factors, she was unable to control the outcome.  

Admit it -- we all like to have some measure of control.  Holidays can intensify that desire because the media is filled with images of perfect families in beautifully decorated homes, eating chef quality food and exchanging ideal presents.  Attempting to achieve perfection means that we must expertly manage and direct the people and circumstances in our lives.  Our attempts to control things often lead to added frustration, disappointment and exhaustion which then fuels anxiety and depression.

But please hear this: Control is just an illusion.  Like Joan, we can plan and execute our intention, but we can’t know the choices of those around us. It is impossible to control every variable necessary for a given outcome.  If we give up our illusion of control, we are better able to accept the choices of others and embrace the reality of our imperfect lives.  Surrendering our demand for control can reduce our anxiety and depression.  And it frees us to discover the rest and peace that comes with continued dependence on God’s wisdom and love.  

Foolish dreamers live in a world of illusion; wise realists plant their

feet on the ground…..The Fear-of-God is like a spring of living water so

you won’t go off drinking from poisoned wells.  (Prov 14: 18, 27 MSG)

Tomorrow we will conclude the FGHs with a focus on Journeying Together.

Peace to you.

Have Fun! -- The FGHs of Coping with Christmas

Today we are continuing on with the letter “H” of our FGH’s of Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression.  

Have Fun

When was the last time you had a good belly laugh?  The kind that is a bit uncontrollable, hurts your cheeks, makes you snort and causes tears to roll down your cheeks?  If it has been a while, then you are missing out on a fun antidote for stress!

Play is a vital tool for stress management.  Fun and laughter decrease stress hormones, increase immunity and releases endorphins (the body’s natural feel-good chemical).  Proverbs 17:22 tells us that a joyful heart is good medicine -- when you engage in fun activities, it changes your body chemistry and can make you feel lighter.

If, however, you are in a season of grief and sorrow, fun and laughter likely seem distant and foreign. That is okay -- honor the season you are in. But if you are able, I encourage you to engage in activities that may allow a bit of fun.  As you gather with friends and family, share stories and fond memories of those you love, impart fun Christmas traditions to the next generation, play games, sing songs, etc.   It could be the medicine that your soul needs.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance. (Eccl 3:4 NLT)

Tomorrow we will continue our FGHs focusing the Illusion of Control and on Friday we will conclude the series with Journey Together.  To review what we’ve covered so far:

Face Faulty Strategies

Give Gentleness and Grace

Have Fun

Peace to you,

Sharon

Give Gentleness and Grace -- The FGHs of Coping with Christmas

Continuing on with the “FGHs” to help you survive the Christmas season.  Yesterday, our focus was Facing Faulty Strategies.  Today we move on to the letter G….

Give Gentleness and Grace

When I am stressed or feeling down, I desire kindness and understanding from those around me.  But I often forget that they are in the midst of their own complicated feelings.  My day filled with activities, crowds and expectations bumps up against theirs which can lead to snide comments, nasty looks, and demands for what we desire.  

But what if I give to others what I want?  I desire (and need!) gentleness and grace -- just like they do. I don’t always want to give others what I need, but when I choose to offer words of encouragement and kindness, something freeing happens.  Emotional generosity changes the scene and creates an opportunity for my spirit and theirs to be lifted.  

I love the way Jesus explains this concept to His followers:  “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:38-39 Msg)

Give gentleness and grace today.  When we give what we ourselves need, we may receive it in return.

Grace and peace to you,

Sharon

Face Faulty Strategies -- The FGHs of Coping with Christmas

Welcome to the first of a series of brief “FGHs” to help you survive the Christmas season!

Face Faulty Strategies

Picture the scene -- You arrive at the festive Christmas activity and the room is filled with delicious aromas, colorful lights, joyful music, and a crowd of merry people.  As you make your way through the gathering you assess your friends and family.  There’s Joe who is still angry about the election...Aunt Sue clearly has had too much eggnog….David and Cathy are fighting again…..Pat wants to be the center of attention….and on it goes.

Scenes like these can trigger us and set our faulty coping strategies into play.  We all have our faulty strategies.  Some will become passive aggressive or even combative.  Others will overindulge with alcohol, food, sex, etc.  Some may turn to self condemnation and harm.  Many others will just shut down.  

All of these tactics can lead to added anxiety and depression so it is important to face our faulty strategies. They also keep us from loving and being loved well.  When we know and face our faulty strategies, we are able to repent and choose healthier coping skills which can lead to great love.  To help you manage stress and anxiety in a healthy way, become familiar with good coping strategies so that you may better navigate scenes like the one above.  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Turn to someone you trust to share your struggle.
• Pay attention to what you are feeling.
• Practice centering exercises such as deep breathing, mindfulness and meditation.
• Nourish yourself well with healthy food, lots of water and plenty of rest.
• Find humor where you are able.

Look for tomorrow’s post as the FGHs will focus on Give Gentleness and Grace.

In His Peace,

Sharon

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Ps 139:23-24 NLT)

The FGHs of Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression

The Christmas season is upon us! It’s a time we are meant to be filled with wonder, hope and joy. But, if I’m being totally honest, I’m feeling a bit melancholy, empty and agitated. If you are being honest, how are you feeling? Are you filled with the wonder of the season or with the dread of days filled with crowds, busyness and conflict?  

I hope that you are experiencing joy, but if not, I hope this series of posts will be helpful. Previously, I released the ABC’s for Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression and it resonated with many (See the ABCs here).  Continuing on through more of the alphabet, I now offer the FGH’s for Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression to help you navigate through the season.  

Over the next few days, I will release brief messages with tips that may be helpful to you this Christmas season. If your sadness and stress are overwhelming to you, please reach out to a friend or to a counselor so they may help you through the struggle.

My hope is that your heart will be encouraged and that you may know the Prince of Peace this season.

Peace to you,
Sharon

The ABC's of Coping with Christmas Anxiety and Depression (Written 12/2014)

How are you feeling this Christmas season?  Many of us excitedly anticipate the hustle and bustle of activity and people that come with the season.

But for others, the season brings unwanted visitors:  anxiety and depression.  

Shopping for presents, attending festive parties, and visiting with friends and relatives can often fuel our sadness and stress.  Perhaps you are feeling grief and sorrow over the loss of someone dear to you or over painful memories that are triggered this time of year.  Maybe you are feeling the pressure of financial burdens or the strain of excessive responsibilities and activities.  There are many reasons that you may feel the holiday blues.  But know this - You are not alone.

To help you cope, here are some simple ABCs to help you manage the difficulties of the season.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

What exactly are you feeling?  Are you feeling the heaviness of grief….the loneliness of isolation…the fretfulness of anxiety?  What is triggering the feeling? Explore your mood and accept its presence.  Express your feelings by writing about your memories of lost loved ones, by sitting with a friend and crying, by talking through the root of your anxiety with a trusted confidant/counselor, by crying out to God in the midst of your emotional struggle, etc.  Acknowledging your feelings to yourself, to others, and to God is an important step in coping with difficult emotions.

Ps 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts;

Be Realistic

Visions of perfect holidays shown on television and in movies often set us up for unrealistic expectations.  Media portrayals of scrumptious meals, expertly wrapped presents, and loving families dressed in coordinating outfits lead us to believe that our Christmas celebrations must match these images.  But hear this -- Holidays do not have to be perfect.  Be realistic.  If your finances are tight, set a practical budget and stick to it.  If your calendar is overbooked, choose to attend the activities that are most important to you and consider skipping the rest.  If someone you love won’t be with you this year, expect to miss them and know that this Christmas will be different.  If ongoing conflict exists between family members, acknowledge the differences and recognize that family time may feel strained this year.

Giving thought to your approach to Christmas will help combat the unrealistic expectations of the season.  Prov 14:8 The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.

Connect with Others

For many in our midst, Christmas is the loneliest season of the year.  Some are feeling alone because of the death of a loved one, some are living far from family, some are experiencing an empty nest, others are feeling isolated because of mental illness (their own or a loved one’s).  Christmas loneliness amplifies our desire to live as God intended – in relational community.  If you are grieving a loss or if you are isolating yourself because of a struggle, take a risk and reach out to a trusted friend so they may share the journey with you.  Maybe you are alone because family is far away, because of a recent breakup, or because of social apprehension.  If so, make a daring choice to attend a church or other social event where you may find support and companionship.

Connecting with others is essential to coping with sadness and stress.  By loving and being loved by others, we display the depth of God’s love for us.  John 15:12 My commandment is this—to love one another just as I have loved you.

Develop Self-Care Practices

Saying “yes” to every event and request will leave you exhausted.  It is also a sure way to increase stress and sadness.  Developing self-care is a necessary practice to reduce anxiety and depression, but it is essential during the Christmas season.  Setting aside time for self-care will restore you emotionally, physically and spiritually. Simple self-care strategies include eating healthy, getting enough sleep and exercising regularly.  Additionally, you should engage in activities that reduce stress, clear your head, and restore your soul.  Read a good book.  Soak in a warm bath.  Take a leisurely stroll (or a brisk one if it’s cold!).  Snuggle with your kids.  Whatever relaxes you, make the time to do it.

Developing self-care practices can reduce some of your stress and sadness and restore a bit of your capacity to engage in Christmas activities. 1 Cor 3:16  Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God dwells in you?

Enjoy the Christmas Story

Do you wonder what Mary and Joseph felt in the days leading up to Jesus’ birth? Were they experiencing anxiety as the made their trek to Bethlehem?  Did they feel the weight of joy and of sorrow as they anticipated Jesus’ life and destiny?  Were they consumed with the difficult circumstances before them?  Or …were they able to see the extravagance of God’s love -- that Jesus would step out of heaven in order to enter our world so that we may know His father.  Did they know God’s grander story in the midst of their own story?

The hardness of life is evident among us – and for many, life circumstances may not get better anytime soon.  In the midst of our struggles, are we able to see God’s grander story?  It may be helpful to take some time to read or listen to the account of Jesus’ arrival. Quiet yourself before the Lord.  Imagine the scene.  Hear the voices.  Feel the weight of emotion.   Ponder God’s goodness.  Enjoy the Christmas story.  Luke 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

I hope that these ABC’s are helpful to you.  If your sadness and stress are overwhelming to you this Christmas season, please reach out to a friend or to a counselor and let them help you through the struggle.

May you know the joy of Emmanuel (God with us) this season.

Peace to you,

Sharon